At Canyon Ranch Health Resort, in Tucson, Arizona I finally discovered the Holy Grail. Looking through the shadows of the closet in my room I saw that which I have been searching for lo these many years. I opened the in-room safe and stood with jaw agape in the presence of the cavernous space. I called 'hello' and cocked an ear to gather in the echo. Then, eyes wide with anticipation, I carefully -- nay, reverently -- slipped my laptop as far in as I could and closed the door. It closed all the way. It locked.

And there was a loud Hosanna! Yes, it was true! An in-room safe that could hold a laptop!

I lead with this topic not merely because long time readers know I have been riding the laptop-sized-in-room-safe hobby horse ever since I have been travel writing. I also mention it as a bellwether of things to come.

Canyon Ranch operates two destination spa facilities, one in Tucson and one in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. Summer, as you can probably guess, is off season at the Tucson property where the daily high is solidly and consistently in the triple digits. So naturally, I was desert bound.

This was my first trip to the desert proper -- Las Vegas not being proper in any sense of the word. Everything they say about it being a 'dry heat' is true. It is a very unusual feeling for someone who has spent their entire life in the sweltering heat of the Midwest summer, to wander around in triple digit heat sweating like crazy, yet still not being all that uncomfortable.

(You know, combine this trip with the trip to 95 degree/95 % humidity Florida last summer, and evidence suggests I've become a real heat lover in my old age. Guess I should look South for where to spend my knee-socks and sandals years.)

The point, of course, is that is was truly, intensely hot in the Arizona desert, off-season. The midday heat and the fact that Tucson is well over the Eastern side of the Pacific time zone, means existence is time-shifted to the morning. The sun rises and sets earlier. By 11 am it's too hot to do any strenuous outside activity. There is minimal post-dinner sunlight (unless you are 90 years old and the height of culinary experience is an all-you-can-eat early bird buffet at 4:30).

The upshot of this is that you find yourself in some sort of bizarre-o world where the day begins before 6 am. I would have had to deem this PURE EVIL if it wasn't for the fact that 6 am Pacific Time is 9 am in the real world and therefore an early, but civilized, time of the morning.

When you combine the pseudo-early mornings with the fact that Canyon Ranch does not serve or permit alcoholic beverages, for me, this becomes adventure travel.

The service begins when you arrive at the Tucson airport. You are met by a friendly chap at the luggage carousel who takes care of your bags then shuttles you to the spa. Bearing in mind that guest may be arriving from a particularly chilly Michigan spring where we hadn't see the high side of 75 and therefore the 20 yard walk from the terminal to the shuttle in triple digit heat was dehydrating, the friendly chap has ice cold bottled water waiting for the half hour ride.

Tucson seems like a fine middle-class college town, if a bit on the sleepy side. Driving through it I would have guessed it to be maybe a couple of hundred thousand people at the outside. I was wrong by nearly an order of magnitude. Tucson is up to nearly a million people, but you wouldn't know it. I saw no skyscrapers and very few buildings that are more than a single story. How they pack in a million-ish people in an essentially flat town, I don't know. They must have a lot of space out West. The kind space that makes the endless corn fields of Lower Michigan seem like your Grandma's back yard.

The dedication to extreme service can, at times, be a little tedious. Upon arrival, while your bags are taken to your room, you get to go on a rather thorough tour of the grounds and generally talk about all the potential activities, followed by a meeting with a program coordinator who makes sure you know about all the potential activities and how to schedule them, then you have a quick interview with a nurse who makes sure you know about all the potential activities and how any existing health problems will affect you.

I already knew about all the potential activities because I had been reading the literature for weeks ahead of time. I suppose I could have begged off of this, but that may have been rude. Perhaps it would have been better if I wasn't tired and hungry and thirsty from the trip there.

But I don't want to leave you with the impression that you will be nannied. The fact is, if you want to go through your entire stay without human contact, you could probably do it and no one would think twice about it. You could take your meals alone, attend the seminars, do the fitness classes -- the only time you would have to talk to anyone is to place your food order and arrange your ride back to the airport. Not that I'm recommending you do that, but that speaks to a very important point: if you decide to attend Canyon Ranch solo, you're not going to stand out. A destination resort that is friendly to solo travelers is rare. One that appeals to solo female travelers is yet rarer. I would bet that a good 60-70% of the guests at Canyon Ranch are female and, of those, 40-50% are solo.

On the other hand, if you are not shooting for solitude, but you're not looking for a temporary family either, there are a good deal of opportunities for making casual acquaintances. At each meal there is the option of sitting on your own or at something called "The Captain's Table." The Captain's Table is a round table holding about eight people where you can sit make conversation with other guests. At breakfast and lunch there is a Canyon Ranch employee there to provide a focus for conversation, at dinner it's just the other guests. It's a decent way to make acquaintances, and you'll regularly cross paths with these same people over the course of your stay.

Canyon Ranch is about health and fitness and every activity is given a spin in that direction. Virtually anything that could be construed at health-oriented is available.

Food, for example. There is one central dining room where, with some minor exceptions, you will eat all your meals. Lest this conjure up notions of your summer camp cafeteria, understand the food is exceptional. The menu not only has as broad a selection as your average restaurant, but each day you face a new set of entrees, and differing appetizer, salad and dessert choices. Also, if you'd rather not order off the menu, each breakfast offers and omelet bar, each lunch a sandwich bar, and dinner a pasta bar. Bottom line: you will eat well.

What you will not get is anything super-sized. You will not get anything remotely resembling heaping portions. You can eat as much as you want, but you will have to order seconds or thirds if you're looking for the gargantuan portions you get at that Italian restaurant down the street. Everything you order has a calorie count next to it (along with fiber and fat counts). Also, highlighted on every menu is a Special Selection featuring an appetizer or salad, an entrée and a fresh fruit dessert. If you were to order the Special Selection for each meal, you would consume something on the order of 1600-1700 calories per day. So even though it would be possible to maintain your unhealthy eating habits, it would take work -- so you don't, you just end up eating a healthy meal and getting back to your activities.

The minor exception to eating in the main dining room is eating at the Demo Kitchen, a small kitchen/dining area open for lunch where you get to see meals prepared for you by the chef. The first couple of days I had heard from other people that only a few folks were attending the demo lunches, so I put it off until later in the week when they were doing a Sushi demo. Naturally, the one day I wanted to go, the place was full when I got there.

As I briefly mentioned before, there is one shortcoming in the menu: No Booze. I kept ordering a martini and they kept giving me grapefruit juice. I assume this in deference to those who come to Canyon Ranch to dry out. Could they not arrange for those folks to have a special week or two that the rest of us could avoid? Sipping a cocktail and watching the desert sunset would have been sweet and probably quite physically, mentally and spiritually beneficial.

Although you can’t get alcohol, you can get as much caffeine as you want in the form of coffee or tea. You cannot, however, get any sort of soda. There were moments when I would have killed for a Diet Coke, which I seriously doubt is all that harmful to your health.

Canyon Ranch needs to re-evaluate their policy regarding liquid indulgences.

Another aspect of health that Canyon Ranch has readily available is actual medical facilities and treatments. No it's not a hospital, but they've got you covered for any sorts of treatments or diagnostics from traditional medical services such as bone density evaluation, podiatry, and cardiac stress tests, to more esoteric stuff such as "Healing Touch" and "Chinese Herbal" treatments. There are dietary evaluations, which I avoid because speaking my diet out loud has been known to cause some nutritionists to spontaneously combust. There are behavioral services including hypnotherapy and biofeedback, and counseling sessions with titles like "Art & Self Discovery" and "Healing Heartache Through Humor". I offered to lead a class entitled "Healing Heartache Through Mean-Spirited Sarcasm" in return for a couple of extra days room and board, but they inexplicably demurred.

Lastly, there is physical fitness. Organized classes run all day long - you name it, they got it, as with everything, from the standard to the esoteric. You can learn Pilates, or Tai Chi or Country Line Dancing if you like or you go with traditional interval style workouts in the gym. Personal trainers are everywhere – they even walk around and refill you water bottle for you. The real gems are the guided hikes and bike rides that are scheduled every morning. Hikes range from 30 minutes to an hour, with a special 8-miler for those who are "very fit". Bike rides range from 8 to 40 miles.

I took a thirty mile ride through ranch country which was supposed to feature a tour of a working ranch, but the ranch-owner had come to the conclusion that bicycles scare the horses -- as opposed to the big, diesel-engined F-350 Ford trucks barreling about -- so we were forbidden. Like everything else, if you want to go on a bike ride you just sign up, everything is taken care of: the bikes, the sunscreen, the bottled water, your lunch, enough guides to keep track of riders at different skill levels. Same with the hikes.

Are you tired of this extended catalog of the activities at Canyon Ranch? That's too bad, because I haven't touched on the spa facilities and the dizzying array of massages and luxurious pampering available. (Remind me to write an article called Spa Services for Regular Guys someday.) And let me just say that you could spend your days just sitting by one of the three pools, where there are towels and lounge chairs and sunscreen dispensers with three levels of SPF so that – yeah, you guessed it - you don't have to worry about anything.

So what is the point of all this indulgence? There are two actually, and they are connected.

The first is to be taken care of for a change. When I checked in, I put my laptop, cell phone, and wallet in the safe and never took it out. While self-sufficiency and independence are important qualities that no one should be without, I am here to tell you that being taken care of doesn't suck in the slightest. The myriad little things you have to remember and think about every day are gone. If you need something, chances are it's within arms reach, if it's not, it will be as soon as you ask.

So you get to behave like a spoiled baby and order people to do your bidding, right? Well, you could, but you don't. Which leads me to the second point: Canyon Ranch is where you can do all that stuff that you know you should do, but just can't seem to make happen. Rather than use your new found empty schedule to fritter away your time like you did in your youth, you no longer have any reason to put off things like cholesterol tests or exercise or dietary changes. I really need to get myself in shape…I really should break my horrendous eating habits…I really should see a chiropractor about my aching back –- that's the stuff you end up doing, and separation from responsibilities and from your life, combined with the easy availability of such things, is what allows you to get there. And judging by how accepting they are of solo visitors, I would guess they understand that might include separation from friends and family too. This is what sets Canyon Ranch apart from your standard big name spas, and why their positioning as a health and fitness destination is so successful.

The only unfortunate thing is that you have to leave, which means flying across the country, which means a full day of inactivity punctuated by fat and sugar laden airport food. Like magic, all your bad habits return. But maybe not entirely. Even if you don’t come away with your life transformed, at least you've had a break and maybe you can carry a few small changes back into the pitiless real world.

I wouldn’t hesitate to visit again. I would bike each morning. I would make each demo meal. I would work on my tan. I would schedule multiple massages.

But most importantly, I'd smuggle in my own booze.